For those who don't know, I am 17 and currently doing my year 12 homeschooling! What relevance does this have to my post? Well let me go on!
A few years back, I got myself into an argument with my brother being the rough and physical family we are, he then tried to throw a punch at me so I ran away! While running through the kitchen I got stuck at an open cupboard and so my brother pushed me into this open cupboard! Result: I hit my jaw on the cupboard shelf and got major whiplash, it effected my Jaw, back, shoulders and neck! So there was a lot of trips to the Physio's and what not to try and help with my injuries.. but alas they had already taken their toll, instead of my usual 9pm-7am sleep I started getting less and less, till I was going to sleep at 2am and waking up at 3-4am, it was horrible living off such little sleep!!! With lack of sleep comes a lot of other things too, a massive drop in school grades, sickness, enormous over tiredness, the beginnings of depression*which I battled off* and all the sorts! I was truly a wreck!
To this day, those injuries bombard me regularly, whether it be my Jaw randomly popping out of place, or my back muscles having a spasm attack! It really makes doing the things I love (such as cricket and farm work) very hard! And my sleeping pattern sometimes goes crazy again *recently its been really bad*
As well as the physical problems I am stuck with, there are the emotional and mental things! I went from being in Grade 10 and being 2 years ahead in school, to now being almost half a year behind in my year12 work, I should of been finished school last year or the year before *according to the rate I was going* But now I am stuck with this force of pure frustration, everyday its the same old pattern of not getting much school at all, wasting way too much time on Facebook and having my parents go off at me for not doing enough school!
And I get these recurring thoughts where its like "What is the point of wasting my time doing school!?"
But what I am trying to figure out is.. am I sick of being sick? Or am I sick of not getting things the easy way, when I want and how I want? If I were to compare my 'Struggles' with those of others, I think I would soon realize that as much as it hurts, as much as it is tough, what I feel is nothing compared to some people... In the end it comes down to mind over matter! Yes, I am having trouble physically, but my main struggle is the emotional and mental one! I feel myself bending to the point of breaking, but I am being stretched and really I am learning more and more, I guess this is all a growing time!!!
Just ask anyone who has known me over the last couple of years, yeah I am still the random crazy chick I have always been, but with that has come a lot more of the christian qualities I so badly need! Tolerance would be the big one, tolerance of other peoples personalities, their needs and their wants, tolerance of pain and hardships, tolerance when things just aren't going my way! Obviously I am not suddenly perfect or anything but here is an example of how my tolerance has grown:
So there is this girl I have known for years and years, when we were younger, we never liked each other, in fact I simply could not stand her!!! I could not tolerate her personality, it conflicted with mine so badly that she just drove me insane!! But awesomely last year, after years of dislike for each other, We started chatting again via Facebook, things were still a bit rough, but it was a start! I guess we had both matured a lot and so we were able to tolerate each other! Now we have restored our friendship, and we are like Sisters, though things can be rough still, but all friendships are like that! So it is just crazy how God can grow us, in ways that allow us to make friends with people we never thought we would ever get along with!!!
The more I reflect the more I realize, its not being sick, that I am sick of.. it's the not getting what I want, when I want, how I want it and where I want it!!! It's greed and human nature, trying to break out and take control! But I need to hold and keep God in control! He is the only one who can ever make me truly happy!! :D I'm not looking for sympathy, or recognition or anything of the likes! I just wanted to share where I am at at the moment and what has been going on with me recently! :D
Hope Ya'll Enjoy,